For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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