He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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