she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize
