i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
