New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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