it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
