So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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