did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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