last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We left the knife in your bed.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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