My room smells like vodka and shame
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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