um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
