A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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