Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
