Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
