Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
