Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
