u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
