We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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