I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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