i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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