If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
