Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
