I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
