I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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