I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
