I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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