You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
