so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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