Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
this is an emotional support booty call
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
