god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
