Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You may now shotgun with the bride
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
