dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
