At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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