Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
