So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
