Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
