Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
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