U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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