so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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