Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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