i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
