Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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