Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
