I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
