i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
