Quick, to the slutcave!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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