We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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