I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
