Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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