i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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