the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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